Saturday, January 05, 2008

the girl who had a typical day

A typical day with kids. More specifically, a typical day with boys. Ok, a typical day with my boys.

I was awakened this morning by my trusty alarm clock. After the third round of snooze, I was ready to get up and go to work (yes, it's Saturday, but circumstances dictated that I go in today.) and was just at that terrible point of inevitability where I really have to get up...the next time the alarm goes off.

Well, as fate would have it, I was destined to get out of bed much quicker.

You see, at 7 am the boys were awake. Don't they know Saturdays are for sleeping in? It's not like it was in my day, when cartoons were only shown Saturday mornings and you HAD to wake up early. They have entire channels devoted to cartoons these days, why not enjoy the comforts of your bed a little while longer?

As I lay on my sliver of the bed, snuggled up against my husband's knee (this is the penalty you pay for going to bed after your spouse--they spread) and wrapped snugly in a quarter of the blanket, I hear a distinct "WHOOMP", a quickly silenced shriek of surprise? shock? pain? and all the electronics in the bedroom suddenly go off. Coincidentally, my alarm clock (in the bathroom) starts going off again.

It's a sign to get up.

So I go investigating. Zack is on the couch watching HSM2, Ian is happily drawing away (good to know those Christmas presents are being appreciated) and Matthew meets me at the door to his in Eli's room with a pale face and wide eyes and immediately starts saying "I sawy Mommy! I sawy!"

"What did you DO?!"

Of course I can't understand what he's saying because now he's started to cry.

And then I see it.

The blackened socket.

After guesswork, a fair amount of translating Panicked-four-year-old into English and Mommy's intuition, I think I figured it out.

I think that there was a bug crawling on the wall and it went into hiding between the nightlight and the socket. (This from Matthew's anguished announcement that "The bug died-ed" ) Being unable to pull the nightlight out of the socket and also determined and resourceful, Matthew went after it with a piece of broken car toy. A metal piece of broken car toy.

Yeah, this is the result.

Yes the broken axle is now fused to the nightligh.

I'd like to think that it is only my child who does things like these, but I actually distinctly remember intentionally sticking a metal hair barrette into a socket to feel the tingle. I never blew one up though although apparently I'm lucky I survived to procreate and produce a child to carry on in my idiocy.

Matthew is the only one who has to burn his hand on the stove to be convinced it's hot. He is the only one to run away from home--twice (and let's not forget one of those times he was naked). He is the only one who has had stitches and a dislocated elbow--twice. In short, he is a BOY with a capitol B and one of those is quite enough for me. But no, I had to go and have FOUR. Of course, the other three are a little easier to handle. Sometimes.

So after our introduction to Mr. Electricity, Eli noticed I was awake.

He is a very good baby about sleeping through the night and actually will patiently wait for me to come to him in the morning. I've snuck up on him before and he'll be laying there quietly, exploring his hands or blankets or some such, just entertaining himself until Mommy starts his day. However, if he hears me or sees me and I don't acknowledge him right away, he will start to let me know, "I'd like breakfast and a fresh diaper RIGHT NOW, please!"

So I did not acknowledge him right away as I was resetting breakers and calming down older brothers. And by the time I got to him he was quite frantic.

Of course he was! He was SOAKED! Onesies have an amazing property--they wick any excess diaper leakage up the baby's torso, insuring even urine coverage. And we'll just say that that Pamper was just no match for the 8 oz of formula he had had some 8 hours earlier. Onesie, bedding, blankets--all soaked. So he got a bath, the bed got stripped and remade (helpful Mom tip, don't just buy multiple sheets for your crib, buy multiple mattress covers too. Trust me.) and I got to smell baby powder toes.

I think he is channeling Jabba the Hut in this picture. What do you think?

ok, ok, he is MUCH cuter than Jabba, but

So bath, baby powder toes and bottle and he's good to go, no one else has done anything life threatening and I've got to go to work. At least at work I won't have to deal with this for a few hours.



Throughout my relatively short day I received minute-by-minute updates from DH via phone on my children's behavior. Yes, it was always reported thusly:

"Your children have scribbled on the furniture with markers. "

" Your children just made themselves breakfast out of leftover pizza and milk. Yes together in the same bowl."

"Your children just tried to lasso the ceiling fan with a blanket."

"Your children just blew up the tv." (they didn' just got switched to the wrong output. You'd think my techie hubby would know that.)

My spontaneously generated, virgin birth children are destructive geniuses I tell you!

Let me show a picture of these tnt tyrants.

Adorable, right? Hmmm, Ian seems to be having some trouble seeing through his bangs. Note to self, take him with you when you go to the store tomorrow and get his bangs cut.

Oh, wait. Ian is the helpful child.

The independant child.

The loner.

The child I don't really worry about when I don't see for awhile because he likes to entertain himself by drawing or playing with his toys quietly.

So while making my pick up the house rounds I come across this.

Oh no!

Oh. Yes.

And, despite my begging Daddy that I could take him to the salon right now and they could fix it, Daddy reacted the same way he did when Coo-Pa tried to helpfully trim his bangs last year. (Remember?)

Yep, he broke out the clippers and fighting off the crazed, crying woman holding on to his child in the bathroom (no, not Britney Spears) he buzzed my little angel's head clean.

Sort of.

He did it half way and then told me to finish it up. I did through tears.

Matthew, seeing his half-shorn brother, starts crying, "I want my brother back!" Which put a touch of humor in the situation and lightened the mood. After calming Matthew (and now Ian) and explaining that hair grows back (please grow fast!) I finished the job and we were left with this.

Notice the divot in the head. There are about three of those on his noggin where he "trimmed" his hair right up to the scalp. So no, the salon would not have been able to "fix" it. Sigh!

Of course, now Ian is terribly embarassed by the whole situation and has decided that he is going to wear this hat until his hair grows back.

He even went to sleep with it on! (I'm sure Daddy calling him "Baldy" all night didn't help.)

So tonight, while tucking in the boys, I reviewed our lessons learned for the day with the boys:

1.) NOTHING goes in around or near electrical sockets. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never do anything like that again!


2.) Scissors are for cutting paper not hair. If your hair is bothering you, please ask Mommy to get you a haircut. there are people whose job it is to cut your hair and they know how to do it and make you look good. I promise.

And Zachary is the only one who left me without a story for the day. Of course, he is on round 2 (3?) of battling this cold we keep passing back and forth and was pretty much self-confined to bed or couch for most of the day.

So now the boys are asleep, the kitchen is calling and once I get that squared away I am going to continue with my goal of creating at least one new layout a day so I can get caught up on my huge (over 100 and then some) backlog of waiting layouts. On top of what I showed last post, this is what I've accomplished since the first of the year.

just my size
(Eli in his little shoebox sized tub)

2 boys in the Wild West
(there is a little mini book with more photos and a brochure and map from the Fort hidden behind the pictures on the second page)

Every boy's Dream Job
(this screams "needs MORE" to me, but I'm trying to let things go. Not every page has to look like it belongs in a magazine)

pure charisma
(journaling reads: to pull off this look and still look this cool takes pure charisma)

stuck in the middle
(journaling about Ian's middle child status)

(saying goodbye to GranMary after our Spring Break visit in '06)

(Matthew's reaction to his first encounter with static shock. Appropriate for today, don'tcha think?)

Every Dog Needs a Boy
(Parker when he was still of a size Zack could control him. The dog is a MOOSE now and much happier with my FIL who can give him the time and attention he deserves)

And that's it for now. We'll see how many I can complete tonight. Although, I think I might only do one and just set up some more for later in the week so I don't pull all nighters trying get one layout done.

I'm just hoping for some not so typical days in my future so I can do this!


Ok, as I was finishing up this epic post, who should wake up but Matthew. He had a bad dream. Apparently a monster came into his room and turned the floor to lava. Now he's scared and says he needs a new room. Sure that this was a flashback to events this morning, I patiently explained that there was no monster, the floor was not lava, that was the only room we had to give him and this is why we don't mess with electricity. Matthew makes the great observation that "I didn't see it and it hit me!" Aramis, of course, pipes in with his wisdom, explaining how electricity powers the lights. And, of course, that Matthew might get super powers now that he's been shocked, but he has to watch out that he doesn't get EVIL superpowers.


Aren't we supposed to be DISCOURAGING the boy?


Tomorrow is another day.

double sigh!


another update: no scrapping for me tonight. Matthew has a fever and started throwing up. Sheesh.

So, of course, my mind starts creating scenarios. What if this isn't the cold we've all been passing around? What if Matthew fried his insides and now has been cooked inside? Hmmm, After Hours Pediatrics will be closed by the time I get there, is this serious for a trip to the ER?

ER...don't I know someone who works in the ER? lol. My sister is the Manager of the Nurses for the ER in my hometown. I figure with the hour time difference I'm skirting on the edge of inappropriate time to call, but that also increases the chances that she is actually home. Besides, if she isn't home, my BIL is a paramedic/EMT so he could talk me down.

Which is exactly what my sister did.

She told me quite calmly that if he had "fried his insides" that he would have gotten sicker pretty much immediately and that he probably just caught the bug.

Ok, I'm fine. All the kids are fine (relatively speaking) and should live to see another day.

Let's see if I survive to see it.


jenscaleshr said...

Remind me to show Skylar this blog post - he was showing me how "responsible" he was by removing a waffle from the toaster with a FORK.

Glad everyone is okay - hope the cold isn't too bad & that everyone recovers!

Elizabeth R. said...

I have tears in my eyes from laughing! Thank you for putting some perspective into the life of a mom of only 2 kids! And one of mine is a girl. Although I think she's the worst one.